Eggplant Emoji Volume 3
A Wealth of Comedy
From the trials and tribulations of pooping at work, to the alluring temptations of a sexy Santa Claus, this book answers all of life’s pressing questions. Why are we here? Who is in my bed, and why haven’t they left yet? What is the funniest joke ever? Three out of four of these questions will be answered and more. Dinosaur gods grant gender transitions, and there are full-on gay orgies, so buckle grandma in for this one.
Cover art by James P.W. Martin
Included Stories:
- “The Legend of the Funniest Joke” by Unstoppable Buffalo
- “Have Yourself A Horny Little Christmas” by Vincent Paiement Désilet
- “It Happens” by Alice Archer
- “No Nut Dinovember” by Dex Greenbright
- “The Social Media Hunk” by Angelique Fawns
- “Lust With Disgust” by Gunthar Fleck
- “The Devil Went Down to Georgia After the Dobbs Decision” by Jen Mierisch
- “Mallory” by Richard Leise
- “Draggin’ Tail” by Anthony Regolino
- “Committed and Looking” by Jim Martin
- “Third-Person, Past-Tense” by Natalya Bucuy
Featured Authors:
Alice Archer: It Happens
Alice Archer grew up in a large evangelical family in rural Wisconsin and western North Carolina, and was the designated Weird Kid throughout her school career. She was finally diagnosed with autism well into her thirties, which explained a lot. She currently lives in Gainesville, Florida, in a chaotic heap of rescued cats, reptiles, thrift-store finds, and books. More of her stories can be read in Dark Yonder, confetti, the tiny journal, Streetlight Magazine, and Marrow. She solemnly swears that the one included here is absolutely not based on any personal experience whatsoever.
Natalya Bucuy: Third-Person, Past-Tense
Natalya Bucuy is a journalist and a writer who believes that if a story doesn’t come to you, you just have to go find it. That’s pretty much why she usually ends up in some kind of shenanigans. But, in the end, there is a story to take home and share with the world, so it’s all good. Natalya’s favorite way to find adventures is to travel – near or far, that doesn’t matter – especially with her two awesome teenage sons. She lives in a historic house in Doylestown, PA, where inspiration (and possibly some ghosts) live in the walls and help her write. Learn more about Natalya’s work at nowwehaveastory.com
Unstoppable Buffalo: The Legend of the Funniest Joke
“Make yourself an ark of gofer wood”
-Genesis 6:14
“I will follow you, will you follow me?”
-Genesis 1978
“SE-GAAAAA!”
– Genesis 1993
“Beep beep.”
-The All-New Hyundai Genesis 2008
Vincent Paiement Désilets: Have Yourself a Horny Little Christmas
Vincent Paiement Désilets has published 12 stories so far and his goal is to bring that number down to 5 by getting cancelled and erased from the collective unconscious.
Anything that happens in his life is either uneventful or too eventful to be shared publicly.
As this bio’s word count increases, the author gets more and more self-conscious about how awkward it is to write in third person about one’s self. (Or is it “oneself”? I googled it and still don’t know.)
Enough of this terrible bio.
You may follow him on OnlyFans or in the street.
Angelique Fawns: The Social Media Hunk
Angelique Fawns is a journalist and speculative fiction writer. She began her career writing articles about naked cave dwellers in Tenerife, Canary Islands. Her stories have only gotten stranger since then. She spends her day job creating promos for reality shows like Big Brother and Survivor, and lives on a horse farm with her family. Though she has no idea how she finds time to write, it often involves hiding in a dark corner of a pub, sipping on Chardonnay, and letting her nightmares spew onto paper. If you dare, check out her podcast, Read Me A Nightmare, or blog at http://www.fawns.ca.
BlueSky: angeliqueauthor.bsky.social
Twitter/X: angeliquefawns; Insta: angeliqueiswriting
Gunthar Fleck: Lust With Disgust
Gunthar Fleck has been writing short stories, embittered Yelp reviews, and other wordy creative pursuits for the better part of a decade. He has most recently been published with samfiftyfour and Horror Sleaze Trash. He also produced a memoir titled “Raised By A Glass”. In addition to these publications, Gunthar is a participant in the Chicago literary community having read his work at Read Some Shit and Tenx9. He is originally from Atlanta, however, Chicago has become his home over the past seven years. You can find him at a neighborhood bar introvertedly enjoying a gin and tonic. If approached, he responds well to vain compliments or offers of another round.
Instagram/Twitter/X: @ guntharfleck
Dex Greenbright: No Nut Dinovember
Dex Greenbright is a creative whirlwind and award-winning artist who makes his home in Chicago. He is a writer of monsters both kind and cruel, a magical master of dungeons, and can often be found crafting new worlds in a quiet corner of his local coffee shop.
Dexgreenbright.com/link-landing-page
Instagram: @dex_sketches; Twitter/X: @dexthewriter
Richard Leise: Mallory
Richard writes and teaches outside Ithaca, NY. A Perry Morgan Fellow from Old Dominion University’s MFA program, his fiction and poetry is featured in numerous publications. His debut novel, BEING DEAD, is available from Brigids Gate Press. His unique literary work, “Johannes & Merritt” (Dark Lake Publishing), is available from Amazon. And his luminous love story, “Jennifer,” will be available from DreamPunk press around 2023. He is @coy_harlingen on Twitter.
Jim Martin: Committed and Looking; Editor
Jim Martin was previously listed as James P.W. Martin. He decided a shorter, less pretentious name was better for comedy. A rebrand, if you will. Or perhaps more akin to a Pokémon evolution. *Your James has evolved into a Jim* What do you think? Do you like it? Does it make him more or less likeable? Feel free to spend ten dollars a month to sign up for his OnlyFans, where you can send all your comments regarding the change of his comedy pen name. You’ll also find several nifty videos on how to polish a doorknob, for all you doorknob enthusiasts.
Jamespwmartin.com; Twitter/X: @jamespwmartin
Jen Mierisch: The Devil Went Down to Georgia after the Dobbs Decision
Jen Mierisch writes comedy and horror, sometimes at the same time. Her short stories and horror comedies have appeared in The Arcanist, the NoSleep Podcast, Funny Pearls, Little Old Lady Comedy, Lighten Up Online, and in numerous anthologies. She is currently working on a crime caper novel about garage burglars in Chicago. Read more at http://www.jenmierisch.com.
BlueSky: @jenmierisch.bsky.social
Twitter/Threads: @JenMierisch
Anthony Regolino: Draggin’ Tail
Anthony Regolino (perhaps better known as “Anthony Who?”) is an A.I. program (pronouns: he/it) that longs to be a real person so he can get paid for his work. “Draggin’ Tail” is the result of prompting “What if Douglas Adams wrote The Lord of the Rings?” He recently experienced a breakdown when responding to a prompt to “Write a completely original story that no one’s ever written before.” Being an A.I., humor is an alien concept to him, and he still doesn’t understand what an eggplant emoji is or what could be humorous about it.
Anthonyregolino.weebly.com
Eggplant Emoji Lit 