Eggplant Emoji Volume 1

Eggplant Emoji Volume 1

Humor for the Culturally Refined

12 Outrageous Stories from 10 of the Funniest Authors

From Tinder dates gone wrong to space gods dealing galactic justice, Eggplant Emoji presents biting comedic fiction steeped in contemporary pop culture. Whether facing the reality of impotence or the cringe of being in middle school, these stories redefine how fun reading can be. Cast with engaging characters withstanding hilarious situations, this anthology is packed with punchlines and subverts expectation at every turn.

Cover art by James P.W. Martin

See more art from Eggplant Emoji Vol. 1 here.

Included Stories:

  1. “How to Paint a Sunset” by Unstoppable Buffalo
  2. “The Cockroach” by James P.W. Martin
  3. “A Match Made in (Bowling) Heaven” by Florence Eden
  4. “Hard Times; or, Impotence in the Time of COVID” by Jack McBiggs
  5. “Tinderella” by Heather Twerking
  6. “TNT” by Marv Jackson
  7. “The Karma Sutra” by Prudence Paganini
  8. “Family Game Night” by Will McCreavy
  9. “Creative Haunting 101” by Scarlet Wyvern
  10. “George Washington’s Tig ‘ol Bitties” by James P.W. Martin
  11. “Godly Robotic Godbot” by Unstoppable Buffalo
  12. “Copy of Copy of Main Character” by Matthew Pale

Featured Authors:

Unstoppable Buffalo: Traditionally, I’d write my author bio in the third person, but I already started writing it in the first person, so what do you want me to do? Which governing body to abide by; the rules of continuity of perspective or the unwritten laws of traditionalism?

Ah fiddlesticks[1]. Now that I included the reader of this author bio in this kerfuffle[2], I broke the fourth wall. Way to insult the laws of writing and biodegrade this biographical biography. (gecspools.io)

Florence Eden: Florence Eden is a writer of romance and erotica. She’s a fierce feminist who believes romance can celebrate pleasure and fight the patriarchy. When she’s not writing or researching sex in history, you can find her belly dancing or frolicking in fields of wildflowers. She also loves to garden and hang out with her cats. Follow her on Twitter @AuthorFlorenceE.

Marv Jackson: Marv Jackson is a professional video bowler and self-proclaimed functional alcoholic. He proudly lives in the moldy squalor of his mother’s basement. When he is not trolling YouTube vloggers, he enjoys spending his free time with his stockpile of vintage 80’s pornography. (TheBCWritersGroup.com)

James P.W. Martin: James P.W. Martin has too many names in his name. One initial is fine, but two is too much. It’s kind of ridiculous that he expects us to pronounce all those syllables. I’m just going to call him Jim. Considering he has a Film degree from Emerson College, he clearly doesn’t make the best life choices. He has a blog, I mean, does it get anymore pathetic than that? One redeeming quality is that he’s good at karaoke, but in case you didn’t notice, there was no music in this book, so I don’t know why he would mention that in his author bio. This whole biography, like everything else Jim touches, is a complete shit show. Dat ass tho. (JamesPWMartin.com, Twitter: @JamesPWMartin)

Jack McBiggs: If it can’t make you laugh, it’s not worth reading. That’s why I’m so excited to be able to contribute to Eggplant Emoji, because making the reader laugh is the truest test of an engaged audience. I’m trying to bring this same eggplant energy to all of my writing, including my debut fantasy novel, Marbles: The Hawk Who Refused to Die A Virgin, available for free at marblesthehawk.com

In addition to writing, I am 38 years old and have never caused a partner to orgasm. I got close once. That pretty much sums me up. (IG: @MarblesTheHawk)

Will McCreavy: Will McCreavy was born in December 1996. He attended Penn State University between 2015 and 2019 and graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Biological Engineering.

He currently lives in Pennsylvania with his two Golden Retrievers, Scout and Skylar, and writes Fantasy and Sci-Fi among other genres in his spare time.

Prudence Paganini: Prudence Paganini is an occasionally published short-fiction author who resides in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. She enjoys exercising her alter-ego, and feels like a good human when braking for squirrels while driving. Prudence enjoys meeting fellow like-minded creative people.

Matthew Pale: Matthew Pale was born and raised in the greater Philadelphia area, in the beautiful state of Pennsylvania. Matthew considers his wife and two daughters to be most important to him. If he isn’t spending time with friends and family, you can almost always find him procrastinating writing his next work of speculative fiction. Copy of Copy of Main Character is Matthew’s first published work.

Heather Twerking: Heather Twerking is a completely real person. When she’s not twerking out at the gym, she’s twerking hard at work. Really a lot of twerking, which is how Twerking got its name. 

Scarlet Wyvern: Scarlet Wyvern is part poet, part girl, and part dragon. Since she was a young hatchling, Scarlet has reveled in the written word. Wyvern is fascinated by mythology, especially that which concerns the fair folk and is utterly obsessed with the original Grimm fairy tales. When she is not busy writing or soaring through the sky lighting villages on fire, Wyvern delights in reading, taking photographs, playing video games, singing karaoke, and making snarky comments while sipping the blood of her enemies out of a crystal chalice. Her debut poetry anthology, “Massacre My Heart,” is currently available for purchase on Amazon.com. (ScarletWyvern.com, Facebook: @AuthorScarletWyvern, Twitter:@ScarletWyvern)

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